Hanji-san Told Me So
by Lovedisease
Summary: Maybe Rivaille was crying and his tears were falling in torrents but it must have been just raining. For Rivaille will never break a promise. Hanji-san told me so. - Rated T for death


Who would've thought that I, Petra Ral, a proud member of the Legion Squad, would face my end like this? Of course, I knew this day would come sooner or later, but to be crushed by a mere female titan, that kid they call Annie. I don't know if I should be humiliated for myself or what. Lying here, helpless, with all my bones practically broken. Every intact muscle aching so bad. My blood splattered on everything in sight. I want to scream from the burning pain but I was too weak to do even that. How pitiful of me.

I watched as birds circled overhead. Carrion birds I'm guessing, ready to peck away of what will be left of me. I can't see much, but maybe vultures are lurking around too. Omens of my inevitable fate. I let out a sound that I hope sounded like a laugh. Death will come, I know , but I won't give it the satisfaction of seeing me cower in fear. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.

_**One. Two. Three.**_

They say that your whole life flashes before your eyes when you're on the verge of death. They were wrong.. you'd only see flashes of moments that your brain failed to delete from your memory. Moments that lead to the path of death itself. That's how it was for me. Moments that I could've easily forgotten but chose not to.

I remembered my father, persuading me not to join the Legion. Too risky, he said. But I knew that right off the bat. I saw them. Those brave souls when they got back from their expeditions beyond the walls. Their eyes, screaming of the terror that they couldn't put to words, their haunted looks, their trembling forms. Some of them went crazy. Some became too distrusting. They would say that they've had the worst of it all. I still think they're lucky though. Some of those brave souls were just that. Souls alone. With only a hand, an arm, or some part of their body to return as a memento to those they left behind.I was but a small child then and yet I knew it well enough and thus I held steadfast for my dream to be a member of the legion. Bearing the prestigious wings of freedom.

I felt bad for worrying my father so much. That's why I always wrote him letter. All my thoughts. Even my fears. That's the only compensation I can give. Why, just last time I wrote him about my growing fascination over Captain Rivaille.

Ah. Captain. I never knew how I'd been acquainted with him. As far as I know, he's the last person I wanted to work with. A temperamental shorty so full of himself that made me want to puke.

But overtime, I noticed myself got drawn to his air of superiority. I followed his rules with utmost trust and confidence. Even his unreasonable whims, I failed to object . No whims, no buts. I chalked it all up to his good leadership and reliable skills.

Then I started noticing things that didn't matter in any sense. His lazy eyes, how he looked at people with them as if he's passing judgement. His indifferent features, never changing, that will light up once in a while when he smirks, pride washing over them. Probably the only emotion he could manage to show. His unchallenged elegance even after killing off numerous monsters on the field.

I was mesmerized by it all. So caught up in it that I didn't see myself slowly caring for him in a completely different level..

I never noticed it. But Hanji-san did. She told me so one day.

I didn't admit it back then. Me? Care for that jerk? He's stronger than I. So what gives?

Death really makes a person honest though.

But he didn't see that. He never will. Nor would he care for anyone.

"Captain Rivaille,." I muttered bitterly.

"I'm here."

I thought myself pathetic. Even in my last breath,, I still hear his voice. Maybe I've fallen harder than I thought.

"Open your eyes Petra.." Ha! Even in my mind he still sound all too superior.

But I'm dying anyway. I might as well humor myself.

"Jerk." I breathed as I slowly opened my eyes.

**_One. Two. Three._**

* * *

"_You know, he's not really that bad. That shorty."_

"_I fail to see your point Hanji-san."_

"_Be that as it may, only those who face certain death are to see the real face of Rivaille."_

"_And so? What is he? A death God or something?"_

"_He'd never allow you to be in such a condition Petra, that's why you'd never know." _

I felt something warm roll down my cheeks, stinging the very skin it pass through.

"Does it hurt anywhere?" Ah. So this is what Hanji-san was talking about back then. Captain Rivaille. Sadness coloring his face in subtle hues, his forehead creased in an uncanny fashion. So unlike the usual him, He looks so fragile now. Not the superhero that everybody sees him as. So human. So heartbreakingly human.

I was glad that I saw him like that. But one moment is enough. I didn't want to be alienated from him for any reasons. Not even to see his good side. It was his usual cocky self that captured me in the first place,

"Wipe that expression off your face." I tried to say sternly, but it was a futile attempt . My voice sounded so weak. "The mission? Is it over? You did it?"

"Yes." A short reply as always, but his face wasn't back to its usual indifference.

"Was I useful?"

"You all were," Ah. There it is, the plural. He'd never single me out even for a praise. Even as a lie. But his next words almost pulled all the air out of me. "I'm sorry Petra, It's my fault."

Was he seriously blaming himself?

I wanted to slap him, but instead, settled my blood soaked hands on his cheeks.

"No its not. Don't flatter yourself. " I tried to smile at him. Though I couldn't feel my face muscles, it probably worked, for he gave me a weak smile in return.

"Ne, Rivaille..- can I call you that ?" he nodded. "Will you cry for me?"

It was stupid to ask. I knew he wouldn't. He cares for everyone. Me included. But we're still not worthy of his tears. So, not even waiting for his reply, I continued. "Don't. Okay?"It kept all that was in me not to break down as I said those words.

"I won't"

And even though my heart shattered into millions of glittering shards, I was happy. The Rivaille I came to like was strong. I'd like him to stay that way, because for all I know, all would be damned if he'd show weakness now..He must stay strong.

I dropped my hand from his face.

"tell father everything." My voice broke. Small as it was already.

"Yes."

"Tell him I'm sorry." The warm stinging sensation came back.

"I will."

"Burn my body and scatter my ashes to those wide waters we saw one time."

"Petra, you won't -" his hands closed in on mine. Tightly.

"Promise me!" the tears were rampant now. I feel sorry for myself, letting Rivaille see me in such a state. I feel sorry for him for having to put up with my drama. "Promise me Rivaille."

"Listen to me!" I saw something flash in his eyes. Sadness? Maybe. And pain. "You won't die. I won't let you."

It hurts me to see that much agony on his face. Call me selfish, but I wouldn't have any of it. It's too painful especially when I know that he doesn't mean this the way I want him too.

"You've always had your way, you know? Not once did I go against you." my voice broke off in heavy confined sobs and labored breathing. "So please. Grant me this one request. Please,"

He looked away and I felt his hand let go of mine. "As you wish."

I wish he'd look at me for the last time, but I guess that's wishing for too much already.

"Thank you." I closed my eyes and slipped into oblivion. But before everything was taken away, I felt that warm sting drip on my face steadily. One after another.

Maybe Rivaille was crying and his tears were falling in torrents but then I heard his small voice.

"It's called an ocean you idiot."

It must have been just raining.

For Rivaille will never break a promise.

Hanji-san told me so.

**Wow. I've so much feels for this. (Though it is not in anyway good. I know. I created it when I was on a frenzied state. Everything's just shooting off in different directions. So apologies for that.)**

**I just Love Petra so much so why should it end like that? They were perfect.**

**and that cover pic. It was the inspiration for this. Let me wallow in sadness.**

**Reviews/comments/criticisms are very much appreciated. But please. no flaming. my poor tender heart won't be able to handle it. **

**-Sei**


End file.
